Friday, December 09, 2005

Apocalypse Un-Plowed!

When I was sixteen, I was enrolled in Drivers-ed as were most of my peers. We watched films like red asphalt and highways of agony and awaited are learners permit then license. Well, nothing from this early ninties course could prepare me for what I just experienced in the last three - Four hours, (MISERY.) Thus begins the saga.
Around the holidays I work for a florist for extra $. You might know it. The big green florist in Harvard square with all the missletoe and pine in front, right in Brattle square. I knew all week they needed me today, Friday to work. All week long it was sunny and winterly pleasant. Today however I knew from the weather there was going to be a snowstorm. I did not want to go, but as I always do I gave it the old college effort. Afterall I have been working there over ten years around the holidays, its almost as synonomous with the Christmas season for me as egg-nog. I got up at Six-thirty a.m. Just naturally arising fifteen minutes before my alarm went off. Proud of myself on some somnombulist level that I beat the alarm. Made instant coffee, went to the bathroom, and winterized/weatherized myself with jacket,gloves, hat boots, GEAR! Drove to Cambridge parked and took the subway over to HAVAAD!!!!
Well the day was pretty typical and just plain pretty with the snow falling. Pretty normal day, Harvard square, intellectual looking bedhead people. Homeless sleeping in the Coup overhead. Beautiful Sola girls catching my attention. Fast-forward several hours, its two-thirty, they let me leave early as there is a flash-blizzard outside and business is dead as disco(when disco was dead!) I hop on subway, go back up to central, and do my normal art store shopping. Some things I purchase in Pearl, some things I purchase in the Artisan supply. Pearl has better deals but is ridiculously lacking confidence and non pierced parts in its employees. Artisan supply just opened across the st. and in the basement. It is like the a student in the front of the class that everyone doesnt' want to admit to like, but still cheats off of. A quick trip to the Harvest for my non-hormonal tested organic yorgurt and I am off to my car on a side st. On the way I stop to see my eighty-year old friend Francis. I ring her but she is not answering. I felt like hanging out with her in her apartment and waiting out this blizzard that is roaring. So bad in fact that white out conditions have been attained. So I trudge further down Magazine st. to my car. Clean it off for ten minutes hop in, and this ladies, gentlemen and aliens is where the MISERY BEGINS*
Usually it takes me ten minutes to get back to my studio. It took me over two hours and a half. Bumper to bumper, white out conditions. Instead of going deathly slow on the main road back,(prospect) I side st. it but am confronted with apocalyptical, un-plowed driving conditions. I go down, one way, three cars are spun out. I go back to the main rd, there is Traffic. I go back down side st. traffic is moving, slowly. Halted at intersection, I take shortcut into Market Basket Parkinglot,(no comment on Brazilian driving habits at this supermarket parkinglot.) Go up a hill, as Somerville could be called Hillville. Little do I know that because about eight inches of snow fell in like an hour and a half nothing has been ploud. People are peeling out left and right. Stuck, fucked, and clueless. I after realizing I wasn't getting anywhere had the good sense to shovel out a space on the side of the st. to get out of the way. Others thought they could get up the hill, and except for the ones with four, wheel drive were sourly mistaken. I eventually turned around from this one side st. hill and told about eleven cars to turn around.( Was looking for extra Karma points!) So,, after waiting a half hour to go around Union Square, which usually only takes three minutes, I went up another hill, more frequented but steep. I should have stuck to the main rds. but couldn't had to be greedy and make good time. Typical Boston driver. This hill was just as bad as the first with even less room to turn around. At this point I thought I was an expert at this situation. Pulled over and decided to walk a half mile up the hill to my studio and leave my car till Saturday when conditions are better. Well, looking for more good Karma, I told others to turn, around again. When I came upon a girl my age, balling in tears in her car saying she'd been in there for three hours and was trying to get to Everett. I tryed to ameliorate her situation by telling her it would be alright and that she should pull over, and walk down to Union Square and chill out for a bit. She listened and did this. From this point I trudged up Walnut st. on foot to my studio while seeing all the denizens shoveling and marveling at nature in the HOOD! All the time, seeing more cars unable to get up the hill. So I get in here, call the cops and they tell me there is a snow emergency and unless your parked on the odd side of the st. you will be towed. SO<> I ran back to my car I had just left, was huffing and puffing all the way up the hill in my big boots. Got in, turned around and proceeded to go one way down the wrong way telling all the other cars to back up. They did, I got back on to the main st. where the traffic was better and got back here. On arrival I immeadiately went to the restaraunt next door, had three drinks(which I needed) and dinner. An old acquaintence was at the bar and picked up the tab which was great.,